I can relate a bit. I was raised in a cult, so real life always made me feel like an outsider. Regarding your situation, I believe there are many ways to approach this. Acknowledge that most of the feelings you're experiencing reside inside your head. Your thoughts don't define who you are. While this may seem simplistic, realizing it will show you that you're the only one worrying about them. You're not your thoughts. They come and go, and you are the person in control. Consider that most people we interact with in real life don't really care about us. Even those closer to us might pretend, but genuine concern is rare. You describe yourself as "awkward," and while there's a chance that others might see you that way, the chance is that they don't really care. I can relate—I'm very much the same, even quite autistic, but I've learned to engage in conversations, indulge in banter, shit talk, and so on. I'm always overly self-conscious about it, but I can blend in nicely. It's mentally and physically challenging, of course, but it's something you can learn to do. Additionally, you need to accept that most people won't share our interests. You might go your whole life without meeting someone who likes the same things you do. The internet can bridge that gap, but 'normies,' normal people in this world, don't dwell much on their interests or where life is taking them. Focus on the things that matter to you. I'm a computer guy as well, and I enjoy spending time alone, doing things like coding and exploring music. This doesn't make you a lesser person; it's just who you are. Remember the job you're in is temporary, so try to think rationally about it. It won't last forever, and it doesn't define you. Life changes over time. I always recommend exercise and meditation to anyone dealing with anxiety and depression. Hitting the gym can work wonders for your mind once you start. Meditation is simple too—you can learn a lot about it online. While these practices won't cure you, they can help you cope with many of life's challenges. Life is tough. Don't give up and keep moving forward, anon.